Saturday, July 31, 2004
i was kidding before, but maybe there really is poison eating it's way through my body. my own tears actually sting in my eyes. freak.
i suppose i could be overcompensating. all of a sudden, everyone wants to talk to me, to get to know me; but it just isn't to be. i may appear to be a fresh juicy berry, ripe for the picking, but even the most delicious-looking berries can be sour on the inside, even poisonous. (some even contain maggots. no joke- i used to pick berries as a summer job. but it's rare and nothing bad will happen, so don't stop eating berries!) don't bite in and then spit me out, letting people on the trail trample all over my insides. no thanks. best to leave this berry untouched, potential sweetness unappreciated, until it shrivels up and DIES all alone.
hey, don't worry 'bout me- i was voted most dramatic in high school. ;) i don't know if a berry can even die, cuz i don't think it's a living thing. but maybe it is. manne says an acorn is a freaking tree for god's sake.
i suppose i could be overcompensating. all of a sudden, everyone wants to talk to me, to get to know me; but it just isn't to be. i may appear to be a fresh juicy berry, ripe for the picking, but even the most delicious-looking berries can be sour on the inside, even poisonous. (some even contain maggots. no joke- i used to pick berries as a summer job. but it's rare and nothing bad will happen, so don't stop eating berries!) don't bite in and then spit me out, letting people on the trail trample all over my insides. no thanks. best to leave this berry untouched, potential sweetness unappreciated, until it shrivels up and DIES all alone.
hey, don't worry 'bout me- i was voted most dramatic in high school. ;) i don't know if a berry can even die, cuz i don't think it's a living thing. but maybe it is. manne says an acorn is a freaking tree for god's sake.
Saturday, July 24, 2004
lately i've had a mixture of sap and venom coursing through my veins. while this potent combination is very conducive to writing, it is probably not the kind of writing that should be published on a public internet site. i've been masking their effects by either distracting myself or just vegetating, but so far no cure.
i am not a fan of conversing for the sake of conversing. that is, talking to someone when you don't really care what they are going to say back, or what you are going to take away from the interaction with this person, but talking to avoid being silent or to hear yourself talk. like when you start the typical questioning routine with me, and you ask where i'm from, what i do, if i'm seeing anyone, etc. and mid-response you start scanning the room for someone better, or fixing your dress, or interrupting with your far more interesting ponderance of whether you should use pink or purple toenail polish, you then become a possible blog topic. do not confuse this with just plain discussing the color of your toenail polish, which can be a completely necessary and fun conversation- like you really can't decide if it should be glittery or just shiny or if it even goes with your skin tone. but not when you just freaking met me a second ago, asked me about my personal life, and cut me off mid-heartpouring with your own egocentricity. hello, i know i do this too. i am a superflighty chickadee at times. but i know it sucks when i do it. lately i've been meeting a lot of people, so i've had all types of interesting and annoying conversations.
you're not italian-
setting: a fancy wedding which i attended solo. enjoying conversation with an old classmate and her boyfriend, when a girlfriend of a guy in the wedding party whom i've never met joins in. the classmate and boyfriend politely excuse themselves to make another trip to the bar. smart move.
the gist: jenna mcnulty gushes about the bride's exquisite dress, the swanky yet not pretentious location, the to die for chocolate wedding cake, etc. while waving her hands in my face to emphasize every single word. then comes the "who are you here with" question and the "just me" answer. then silence and some more hand fidgeting. what the f*? then little lassie asks, "do you think that guy next to the groom is cute?"
the kicker: i had a feeling it was a trap, so thank God i didn't answer. that's her fiance. they've been engaged a month. oh! i was supposed to be checking out her rock in the midst of her hand spasms! yeah great. i've never met you before, so how on earth should i know that? sometimes it isn't fun to play guessing games. but yeah, i guess when you're bursting with good news, it's a tad ridiculous to just say to a stranger- hey look, i'm engaged, aren't you happy for me? i am happy for her though. not kidding.
la quejona
the setting: narragansett town beach- THE beach. a friend was coming to meet me later. prolly looking ridiculous in my too small bikini, but not even worrying about it. letting the aforementioned sap and venom drain away. perfect day.
the gist: friend shows up with other friend and other friend's girlfriend in tow. never met other friend's girlfriend, so i introduce myself. girlfriend ignores this and starts talking about how skinny the girls on the beach are. then how she knows one stick way over there. then how her sandwich is soggy. then how her sunscreen was supposed to be on sale, but when she got to the register it wasn't. then how maybe she should go in the water. then how maybe she shouldn't because EVERYone was already in the water. now, this is all uninterrupted monologue, and i'm starting to think it's very funny. i might even laugh out loud if girlfriend keeps it up. then how she wasn't getting enough sun because of friend's umbrella. then how she wasn't getting enough sun because of haze. now i'm not laughing, just trying to zen her out. then how the skinny girl in front of us must be anorexic...oh wait, she IS anorexic cuz she was her resident last year. resident? aha...
the kicker: friend asks other friend when they are going to make their magic brownies with their magic ingredients. other friend's girlfriend is not supposed to know about this and freaks out on his ass. (remember, she had residents. :) i leave at this point, but apparently the rest of the day's narrative was more of a lecture.
how am i unemployed when people like this have jobs
the setting: the gym. taking potential member on a tour.
the gist: it only took one question- are you new to the area?- to get potential member started. some hot shot school paid him to get his masters in something boring and money-making, and he now has this amazing job (read: amazing salary) with some company up in providence. p.m. has all these important friends (never heard of them), cutting edge gadgets (never heard of them), and cool hobbies (he thinks they sound cool anyway) that he wants to brag about. once in awhile he asks a gym question- what time is the least crowded, how does he get set up with a personal trainer, etc. but mostly just talks about how great he is, inventing details as he goes. now, i do not claim to be an expert in any area, but i sure as hell know boticelli ain't no composer, that spedometers do not count mileage, and lynrd skynrd is not the lead singer of the band. i don't care if you know that stuff or not, but if you don't, why on earth are you bringing it up in conversation as fact? talk about something else man!
the kicker: he wants a discount off the enrollment fee. actually, maybe he won't join today because maybe $43 a month is too much to pay for a gym without a pool. maybe he will go check out the YMCA or maybe just run and swim by the pier. yeah, maybe you should do that buddy. (for some reason, i still believe the high-paid job part, and that is what truly amazes me.)
i am not a fan of conversing for the sake of conversing. that is, talking to someone when you don't really care what they are going to say back, or what you are going to take away from the interaction with this person, but talking to avoid being silent or to hear yourself talk. like when you start the typical questioning routine with me, and you ask where i'm from, what i do, if i'm seeing anyone, etc. and mid-response you start scanning the room for someone better, or fixing your dress, or interrupting with your far more interesting ponderance of whether you should use pink or purple toenail polish, you then become a possible blog topic. do not confuse this with just plain discussing the color of your toenail polish, which can be a completely necessary and fun conversation- like you really can't decide if it should be glittery or just shiny or if it even goes with your skin tone. but not when you just freaking met me a second ago, asked me about my personal life, and cut me off mid-heartpouring with your own egocentricity. hello, i know i do this too. i am a superflighty chickadee at times. but i know it sucks when i do it. lately i've been meeting a lot of people, so i've had all types of interesting and annoying conversations.
you're not italian-
setting: a fancy wedding which i attended solo. enjoying conversation with an old classmate and her boyfriend, when a girlfriend of a guy in the wedding party whom i've never met joins in. the classmate and boyfriend politely excuse themselves to make another trip to the bar. smart move.
the gist: jenna mcnulty gushes about the bride's exquisite dress, the swanky yet not pretentious location, the to die for chocolate wedding cake, etc. while waving her hands in my face to emphasize every single word. then comes the "who are you here with" question and the "just me" answer. then silence and some more hand fidgeting. what the f*? then little lassie asks, "do you think that guy next to the groom is cute?"
the kicker: i had a feeling it was a trap, so thank God i didn't answer. that's her fiance. they've been engaged a month. oh! i was supposed to be checking out her rock in the midst of her hand spasms! yeah great. i've never met you before, so how on earth should i know that? sometimes it isn't fun to play guessing games. but yeah, i guess when you're bursting with good news, it's a tad ridiculous to just say to a stranger- hey look, i'm engaged, aren't you happy for me? i am happy for her though. not kidding.
la quejona
the setting: narragansett town beach- THE beach. a friend was coming to meet me later. prolly looking ridiculous in my too small bikini, but not even worrying about it. letting the aforementioned sap and venom drain away. perfect day.
the gist: friend shows up with other friend and other friend's girlfriend in tow. never met other friend's girlfriend, so i introduce myself. girlfriend ignores this and starts talking about how skinny the girls on the beach are. then how she knows one stick way over there. then how her sandwich is soggy. then how her sunscreen was supposed to be on sale, but when she got to the register it wasn't. then how maybe she should go in the water. then how maybe she shouldn't because EVERYone was already in the water. now, this is all uninterrupted monologue, and i'm starting to think it's very funny. i might even laugh out loud if girlfriend keeps it up. then how she wasn't getting enough sun because of friend's umbrella. then how she wasn't getting enough sun because of haze. now i'm not laughing, just trying to zen her out. then how the skinny girl in front of us must be anorexic...oh wait, she IS anorexic cuz she was her resident last year. resident? aha...
the kicker: friend asks other friend when they are going to make their magic brownies with their magic ingredients. other friend's girlfriend is not supposed to know about this and freaks out on his ass. (remember, she had residents. :) i leave at this point, but apparently the rest of the day's narrative was more of a lecture.
how am i unemployed when people like this have jobs
the setting: the gym. taking potential member on a tour.
the gist: it only took one question- are you new to the area?- to get potential member started. some hot shot school paid him to get his masters in something boring and money-making, and he now has this amazing job (read: amazing salary) with some company up in providence. p.m. has all these important friends (never heard of them), cutting edge gadgets (never heard of them), and cool hobbies (he thinks they sound cool anyway) that he wants to brag about. once in awhile he asks a gym question- what time is the least crowded, how does he get set up with a personal trainer, etc. but mostly just talks about how great he is, inventing details as he goes. now, i do not claim to be an expert in any area, but i sure as hell know boticelli ain't no composer, that spedometers do not count mileage, and lynrd skynrd is not the lead singer of the band. i don't care if you know that stuff or not, but if you don't, why on earth are you bringing it up in conversation as fact? talk about something else man!
the kicker: he wants a discount off the enrollment fee. actually, maybe he won't join today because maybe $43 a month is too much to pay for a gym without a pool. maybe he will go check out the YMCA or maybe just run and swim by the pier. yeah, maybe you should do that buddy. (for some reason, i still believe the high-paid job part, and that is what truly amazes me.)
Thursday, July 08, 2004
fortunately, i am lucky enough to know most of you, because you are all amazing and awesome people. unfortunately, this severely limits my freedom in blog-writing. at best censors. like i don't get to write about how yearlong amenorrhea is probably not a good thing but that sucky U.S. healthcare forces me to divine that it is, lest i run up thousands of dollars in debt on inconclusive tests. and i can't wonder "aloud" how i am able to eat like a pig, yet not take a shit for weeks. where the hell does it all go? very unpleasant. and i'm sure as hell not gonna write that if i decide he's not worth fighting for, then i am not the one losing out (he is), and that if i decide he is worth fighting for, then i'm sure as hell gonna win. and i definitely wouldn't be able to throw a "bitch" in there at the end just for good measure, because she isn't a bitch. i don't think, anyway. all of this is hypothetically speaking of course. ;)
but you see, these are the examples that i actually could at least mention. it is the unmentionables that i often find more compelling. but if you know me, you don't want to read about this in terms of me. except neile, and thanks neilz, for the love. so the predicament is this: write what i want and probably scandalize my small audience, or write the more innocuous and mildly amusing anecdote and hope people continue to enjoy... but for right now i will step off, and let you two run your course, until he realizes what is best for him.
but you see, these are the examples that i actually could at least mention. it is the unmentionables that i often find more compelling. but if you know me, you don't want to read about this in terms of me. except neile, and thanks neilz, for the love. so the predicament is this: write what i want and probably scandalize my small audience, or write the more innocuous and mildly amusing anecdote and hope people continue to enjoy... but for right now i will step off, and let you two run your course, until he realizes what is best for him.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
hello again! were you worried that the big bad city had gotten the best of lil' ol' me? not so- i never gave it a chance! just so you are forewarned, there is no reason to ever go to sao paulo, brazil. why didn't anyone tell me?
because i had some extra time to kill after getting the hell outta there, i made a stop off at ilha grande. what a great turn of events. this little island is welcoming of and caters solely to tourists, but at the same time is an unequivocated paradise. and that is what the goal of my mission is, right? to escape (ew, i wrote excape- remember "party on down to the X-cape beach?") the real world? mission complete. i spent 4 days there. you can hike (or take a taxi-boat you lazy-ass) to a beautiful beach all your own; you can meet fun 19-year-old British boys (yay Tiff) and introduce them to the caipirinha and still not be contributing to underage drinking; you can eat an enormous and yummy dinner at a local's house for $2 or a Fear-Factor worthy seafood stew (moqueca) at a restaurant literally on the beach for $5 (NOT a highlight); marian, my cute pousada owner will caress your face and arms every time you talk, or, if you prefer, the island guys are a little too nice as well.
it was really spectacular, but Rio awaited me. didn't really do so much there as it got dark at 5:30. not wanting to push my luck, i was in the Copacabana Praia apartment both nights by 6:30, which left my days free to not-so-nonchalantly stare (sorry johnny) at beautiful casi-naked girls, but i'm not sure where the beautiful paulos and fernandos were hiding.
i'm sure i have more stories for you all, but as i sit here mid-madrugada in my parents' house, somehow the thrill of it all seems far away. this will not be the end of my blogging however, because i am sure i will find new ways to avoid responsibility here at home (yes, rent-free in my parents' house- see how that works?). and while i'm being honest, the only reason i hiked ida y vuelta instead of taking the boat is that i literally had no money- hadn't been able to change bills yet. ;)
because i had some extra time to kill after getting the hell outta there, i made a stop off at ilha grande. what a great turn of events. this little island is welcoming of and caters solely to tourists, but at the same time is an unequivocated paradise. and that is what the goal of my mission is, right? to escape (ew, i wrote excape- remember "party on down to the X-cape beach?") the real world? mission complete. i spent 4 days there. you can hike (or take a taxi-boat you lazy-ass) to a beautiful beach all your own; you can meet fun 19-year-old British boys (yay Tiff) and introduce them to the caipirinha and still not be contributing to underage drinking; you can eat an enormous and yummy dinner at a local's house for $2 or a Fear-Factor worthy seafood stew (moqueca) at a restaurant literally on the beach for $5 (NOT a highlight); marian, my cute pousada owner will caress your face and arms every time you talk, or, if you prefer, the island guys are a little too nice as well.
it was really spectacular, but Rio awaited me. didn't really do so much there as it got dark at 5:30. not wanting to push my luck, i was in the Copacabana Praia apartment both nights by 6:30, which left my days free to not-so-nonchalantly stare (sorry johnny) at beautiful casi-naked girls, but i'm not sure where the beautiful paulos and fernandos were hiding.
i'm sure i have more stories for you all, but as i sit here mid-madrugada in my parents' house, somehow the thrill of it all seems far away. this will not be the end of my blogging however, because i am sure i will find new ways to avoid responsibility here at home (yes, rent-free in my parents' house- see how that works?). and while i'm being honest, the only reason i hiked ida y vuelta instead of taking the boat is that i literally had no money- hadn't been able to change bills yet. ;)
