Friday, July 29, 2005
top ten mysteries of thailand, REVEALED
1. the previously mentioned 3 sexes
2. safety/ money- people will not beat you up or rob you outright because i guess that's just not buddha's way; instead they have transparent tourist scams in effect that are quite difficult to work your way out of.
3. malaria DOES exist in these parts- take it from the afflicted passenger sitting next to Amanda, what a thrilling mosquitoey ride. my disease was never diagnosed, but i took the pills the pharmacist gave me, and so far so good.
4. hurry up and wait- instead of getting out and exploring this beautiful country you flew 30 hours to see, travel companies must think you enjoy waiting inside their offices for 5 hours. they do it often. "arrive early! come on, come on, let's go, hurry up!.....you wait here."
5. tao rai? how much does it cost? -where exactly can't you bargain the prices? we never tried at restaurants, so i don't know about that- ask the israelis. otherwise, thailand's biggest franchise, seven - 11, seems to be the only place where a price tag means anything. so if they tell you 300 baht, immediately cut it in half and start the negotiations from there. you won't be getting as ripped off.
6. the ancient art of thai massage- anything but relaxing, though it certainly feels good when they're done :) be ready for some intense stretching, bone cracking and popping, and kneading to the point of bruising. also included is a ridiculous slapping technique whose only purpose seems to be an "i'm finished with this part" signal.
7. curry- green, red, yellow, massaman, panang- it's ALL good, even if i cook it. i swear to you. i cooked it. it was de-lish (this is the mystery part). come to my house and i'll make you some. i did get in trouble for not cleaning up my work station though- huge surprise.
8. mango sticky rice- a heavenly street dish of the north. but then, i really think just about anything drenched in condensed milk would be heavenly, so i guess it's not much of a mystery.
9. tsunamis- the threat remains. a few nights ago in koh phi phi, we were herded out of our 'hotel' and urged to climb as far up as we could. nothing came of it, but as it was only the 2nd warning since the actual thing, you better believe my ass was sore the next morning. (i'm kind of lying here- my ass WAS sore, but because i was sitting on the unfinished wood floor of a shack only 10 ft. or so above sea level. however, if i had had my way, i would have been at the top of the mountain.)
10. spelling- English spelling doesn't really exist since they use a khmer alphabet, yet there are English signs everywhere. bad grammar all-around- on street signs, in books, and of course the requisite nonsensical t-shirts, but the spelling is so weird. there are endless examples, but here's one to illustrate. ran tee bay will be also marked as run tee bay, lan tee bay, lun tee bay, ran thi bay, lunti bay, etc. ALL ON THE SAME PUBLICATION. try asking where that is with your best thai-english pronunciation. chok dii. chog dee. good luck.
1. the previously mentioned 3 sexes
2. safety/ money- people will not beat you up or rob you outright because i guess that's just not buddha's way; instead they have transparent tourist scams in effect that are quite difficult to work your way out of.
3. malaria DOES exist in these parts- take it from the afflicted passenger sitting next to Amanda, what a thrilling mosquitoey ride. my disease was never diagnosed, but i took the pills the pharmacist gave me, and so far so good.
4. hurry up and wait- instead of getting out and exploring this beautiful country you flew 30 hours to see, travel companies must think you enjoy waiting inside their offices for 5 hours. they do it often. "arrive early! come on, come on, let's go, hurry up!.....you wait here."
5. tao rai? how much does it cost? -where exactly can't you bargain the prices? we never tried at restaurants, so i don't know about that- ask the israelis. otherwise, thailand's biggest franchise, seven - 11, seems to be the only place where a price tag means anything. so if they tell you 300 baht, immediately cut it in half and start the negotiations from there. you won't be getting as ripped off.
6. the ancient art of thai massage- anything but relaxing, though it certainly feels good when they're done :) be ready for some intense stretching, bone cracking and popping, and kneading to the point of bruising. also included is a ridiculous slapping technique whose only purpose seems to be an "i'm finished with this part" signal.
7. curry- green, red, yellow, massaman, panang- it's ALL good, even if i cook it. i swear to you. i cooked it. it was de-lish (this is the mystery part). come to my house and i'll make you some. i did get in trouble for not cleaning up my work station though- huge surprise.
8. mango sticky rice- a heavenly street dish of the north. but then, i really think just about anything drenched in condensed milk would be heavenly, so i guess it's not much of a mystery.
9. tsunamis- the threat remains. a few nights ago in koh phi phi, we were herded out of our 'hotel' and urged to climb as far up as we could. nothing came of it, but as it was only the 2nd warning since the actual thing, you better believe my ass was sore the next morning. (i'm kind of lying here- my ass WAS sore, but because i was sitting on the unfinished wood floor of a shack only 10 ft. or so above sea level. however, if i had had my way, i would have been at the top of the mountain.)
10. spelling- English spelling doesn't really exist since they use a khmer alphabet, yet there are English signs everywhere. bad grammar all-around- on street signs, in books, and of course the requisite nonsensical t-shirts, but the spelling is so weird. there are endless examples, but here's one to illustrate. ran tee bay will be also marked as run tee bay, lan tee bay, lun tee bay, ran thi bay, lunti bay, etc. ALL ON THE SAME PUBLICATION. try asking where that is with your best thai-english pronunciation. chok dii. chog dee. good luck.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
good evening my happy internet crew. this may very well be the last blog i bring to you. why? because i think i am dying.
i went on this crazy jungle trek for 3 days through mudslides, animal shit, deluges of rain carrying whatever insects happened to be in the trees, waded through infested streams, slept on mats full of bugs and who knows what else... yes, what a glamourous lifestyle this traveling business is. so now, i feel drugged. i can barely type at the computer. my eyes are glazed over and my head is drooping to one side. when my friend talks to me, i have to tell myself to make some sort of response that indicates that i'm listening without having any comprehension of what she's said. it started yesterday with a thing in my eye and some temporary blindness. now they are just itchy. i can handle that. i am bitten all over, but the pharmacist has hooked me up with some stuff that appears to be reducing the swelling. i keep getting cool washes of staticky headache, followed by shivers. the most worrisome of all is this pain under my armpits. they are tender and sore and surely a sign that the end is near. i am sorry i can write of nothing but my diseased state, but it has taken over my brain. except for thoughts of coffee and sweets, because of course i haven't lost my appetite! i guess it's time for my last supper. so long. farewell. good-bye.
i went on this crazy jungle trek for 3 days through mudslides, animal shit, deluges of rain carrying whatever insects happened to be in the trees, waded through infested streams, slept on mats full of bugs and who knows what else... yes, what a glamourous lifestyle this traveling business is. so now, i feel drugged. i can barely type at the computer. my eyes are glazed over and my head is drooping to one side. when my friend talks to me, i have to tell myself to make some sort of response that indicates that i'm listening without having any comprehension of what she's said. it started yesterday with a thing in my eye and some temporary blindness. now they are just itchy. i can handle that. i am bitten all over, but the pharmacist has hooked me up with some stuff that appears to be reducing the swelling. i keep getting cool washes of staticky headache, followed by shivers. the most worrisome of all is this pain under my armpits. they are tender and sore and surely a sign that the end is near. i am sorry i can write of nothing but my diseased state, but it has taken over my brain. except for thoughts of coffee and sweets, because of course i haven't lost my appetite! i guess it's time for my last supper. so long. farewell. good-bye.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
ah, the 10 minutes of loading has now afforded me the wonderful opportunity to blog again. alas, my inspiration has died down a bit after staring at the screen listening to 50-cent, eminem, and that old rump-shaker song the girl next to me is playing on her comp. that's right- the girls of chiang mai, thailand, party in da club like it's their birthday. :) in fact, all 3 sexes party in the club. the girls put their elbows in at their waists and hold their fists up at a 100 degree angle. then the bob up and down bending their knees, or if they are really getting down they bob side to side like you did in your rainbow ballerina recital at age 4. the boys lip-sync the words to thai, english, and hindi songs and act out the words. if they are with girls, they dance like the girls. now, the toys, or lady-boys (the accepted 3rd sex of thailand) dance provocatively, rubbing their expensive tits on any guy around, but even more so on the farang (foreigners). you cannot tell that they are guys until they talk, so be warned. well, i guess the freaking and boob-baring are hints too.
bangkok may have been grand, but i sure didn't find anything so great about it. i could barely breathe in the heat, dust, and stench that was my life for 2 days before i found the way out. a train brought me to 2 smaller muangs where i visited a few ancient temple ruins, and a few active ones as well- all very well touristed. now in chiang mai, i have found an easier lifestyle. it's so westernized, but still thai, so things are comfortable, very friendly, and culturally interesting. and i can breathe which is always a plus. i think i may be moving on tomorrow, but will throw a story or two out there if anyone still keeps track. lao jii gan-kah.
bangkok may have been grand, but i sure didn't find anything so great about it. i could barely breathe in the heat, dust, and stench that was my life for 2 days before i found the way out. a train brought me to 2 smaller muangs where i visited a few ancient temple ruins, and a few active ones as well- all very well touristed. now in chiang mai, i have found an easier lifestyle. it's so westernized, but still thai, so things are comfortable, very friendly, and culturally interesting. and i can breathe which is always a plus. i think i may be moving on tomorrow, but will throw a story or two out there if anyone still keeps track. lao jii gan-kah.
