Dawson on the Run

let's stick to complaining about people who complain. it works for me.

these people can't stop! the primary offender today was complaining about being poor yet again, saying how she drove down to front royal and the gas down there is so cheap! if you are so off-the-wall excited that you just saved $4.00 on filling up your tank, maybe you shouldn't have spent $20 driving down there? which is just ridiculous. of COURSE you can spend $20 to enjoy yourself when you work full time, had grad school PAID for PLUS got PAID to go, have no car payment, get free trips to hawaii, etc. the worst part came when she is saying how hard it is going to be to do her taxes this year. the list went on and on and on, changing residency, grad school, interest-free stipends, stocks, mother-in-law giving them a huge chunk of money, buying a condo, etc. after i spend 10 minutes listening to the whole list and our friend tells her to buy some tax software and then write it off, she goes "well my husband's cousin is going to do it for us for free."

you have got to be kidding me. HOW many more days until june?

people who complain about money more than twice a week need to shut the f* up. there are probably two warranted occasions a week that you can get away with it without being wicked annoying, as is the limit with complaining about being fat. because it's usually the people with trust funds and 15% body fat that do the complaining.

rrggh.

i am especially annoyed with married people who have mortgages and WHINE not only about how POOR they are, but how LUCKY i am that i don't have to worry about it. um, idiots, you are married. you have TWO incomes going toward your place. not only that, you CHOSE to buy instead of rent. why? because you know your money is now an investment, instead of disappearing into the big bad landlord's Vegas fund. so you will own stuff. and you SHARE the cost of the bedroom you live in. now if you decided to go WAY outside of your price range, that is your own doing. (i know i know, kansas isn't for everyone.) you have a retirement fund. i don't even know what that IS. and let's not even get into the fact that people love you and still give you money. if your parents are paying for you to visit them, then you are officially NOT ALLOWED to bitch to me anymore about how you can't get booeymonger when you want it. because while i was busy spending $7 for happiness at booey, you were spending $50 online for boots that are too small, but were a "good deal" because i'm sure they have some sort of brand name on them that i've never heard before.

priorities, people. i'm not LUCKY that i'm going to have to work at barnes and noble when i'm seventy in order to afford living with my 3 roommates (and cats of course), so think twice about how ridiculous you sound next time you open your mouth and "ca-caw, ca-caw" (tim miller's ca-caw) comes out.

have you heard the protests at gallaudet university?

what? how? either you have supersonic hearing or they are signing really loud. anyway, they are protesting the appointment of a president they declare to be "audist," like racist but against deaf people. this is because she never went to a deaf school and didn't learn how to sign until she was 23. this leads me to believe that she can hear...and speak. so why is she giving interviews now in sign language with voice-overs? what! the protesters are kinda funny too though, because instead of chanting, they look like they are dancing- you know, signing the same thing in unison. i suppose i have lost my moralistic overly sensitive side. i still have my overly sensitive side though... ANYWAY, when one of the students signs to the news reporters, they have a voice-over. because the football players are the ones blockading people from entering campus, they were interviewed- big scary football players with tiny shrill grating nasal voices.

more stuff i think is funny:

nana: hey jamal, you are like the most retardedest kid i know.
jamal: really? I'M the most retardedEST kid you know?


derek: i'm just too busy. i don't have 2 1/2 hours to go sit and watch a movie.
alex: dude, but it's so good. once your there, time flies by!


tv: research shows that people that drink milk regularly have x% less body fat than people who don't.
me: um, that's because the only people that drink milk regularly are skinny 8 year olds that have to finish their brussel sprouts before their parents allow them granola for desert.

oye che-
i caved. i started putting the toilet paper on the side of the tub. of course that was really just part of my plan to pretend to try it her way for a few days so that i could say, "look, i tried it, and since i'm psycho it's not working for me." maybe i'll take out the 'since i'm psycho' part because if i really were psycho, i would be putting it IN the toilet everytime i found it on the tub. but she beat me to the psycho. as soon as i start leaving it on the tub (and believe me, it was no easy task), she starts putting it on the FLOOR! what the f? this totally throws me off. NOW how am i supposed to get it back on the back of the toilet?

okay, i definitely am psycho.

what's in miso soup anyway? i dumped a packet of powder and small green chive looking things in a bowl. i added hot water. all of a sudden i'm eating giant spinach leaves and squid or fishy tasting rubbery centipede looking things. i can't even pretend to be cool and like it.

don't move my roll of toilet paper! my awesome roommate moved out, and a new one is here. she's been here since sunday, but i haven't seen her since i helped her drag her stuff in. she stays in her room and i stay out late-ish. but she does shower at EXACTLY the same time i normally shower every morning. i hit snooze twice and get to the shower at 6:25. on tuesday and wednesday morning i hear the shower turn on at 6:24. no joke. this morning i had to get up without snoozing. and yes, losing 10 minutes of dream sleep is a big sacrifice for me since i DO list it on my myspace list of top interests. after the shower she disappears in an instant. i don't want to stalk her waiting outside her door while she's in a towel just to talk about shower times, but i don't want to leave a note either because melanie, a sucky college roommate of mine, used to do that and it was so RUDE. we LIVE in the SAME ROOM beotch. ugh. so anyway, new roommate also feels the need to overstock the refrigerator and cupboards (you have an allotted space and standard apartment-sharing rules say you stay on your side of the freezer). now, the biggest complaint i have: sure, leaving the toilet paper roll on the back of the toilet seat is probably not the ideal spot, but the holder is permanently broken (hard to explain- the maintenance people have to do it). so anyway, she keeps moving it to the side of the tub. NO! i don't look when i turn on the shower and the toilet paper gets soaked. what does she keep doing this for?! clearly, being the new roommate, she should abide by the laws-of-not-being-a-totally-shitty-roommate that say i get to do whatever the fuck i want because i've been here longer, and she should learn to work around me if she wants to keep paying wicked fucking cheap rent.

i'm also a sailor by night. fuck that.

my baby wins contests because he is funny. what's so great about yours? what's that? she's nice to you? he acknowledges you in public? yeah well, my baby tells jokes. don't hate.

girlcomic better cheggedy check herself b4 she wrecks herself.