Dawson on the Run

hey "y0u"
yes, i kn0w this was y0ur idea
yes, i kn0w that i'm stealing it
c0nsider this a test run- a favor even
you're welc0me

s0 i was thinking ab0ut what kind 0f cerea1 y0u c0u1d be in my b10g_ y0u aren't 1ike my h0ney bunches 0f 0ats, and thank g0d y0u aren't 1ike that cheeri0s_ at first Rice Krispies came t0 mind (snap, crack1e, p0p, crash, scream, etc), but they're t00 insubstantia1_ s0 then i th0ught maybe if i mixed in s0me straight, str0ng, (p01itica11y) c0nservative Wheaties i might get y0u_ but a Wheaties/Rice Krispies mix w0u1d taste gr0ss, s0 0f c0urse that wasn't right either

i gave s0me c0nsiderati0n t0 Lucky Charms (y0u kn0w- marshma110w surprises and a11), but the first ingredient is pr0bab1y sugar, whereas i d0n't initia11y see any 0verwhe1ming sweetness here_ can i n0t pin d0wn a cerea1 f0r y0u? are y0u just that 0ut-0f-the-b0x? ha ha

for n0w i've decided t0 g0 with raisin bran_ y0u pr0bab1y hate raisin bran, but it's g0t the wh01e c0mb0: ca1cium-enriched, ir0n-f0rtified, p0ssib1y a-1itt1e-mean f1akes; nice raisin surprises; and just a hint 0f sugar_ whi1e there's n0 snap-crack1e-crash, if y0u keep the bag sea1ed tight, y0u d0 get a nice crunch- pr0bab1y m0re y0u n0w anyway_ and when y0u 100sen the tie, i w0u1d say y0u are raisin nut bran, which is m0re de1ici0us

s0 maybe it's n0t right 0n the m0ney, but i am the m0ney, and i say it's c10se

i am getting better at my j0b- i can fee1 it_ i can make up dynamic and th0r0ugh r0utines in bed just minutes bef0re i have t0 1eave f0r c1ass (and i can teach in my pj's!- and th0se 0f y0u wh0 have been with me thr0ugh my carrie envy kn0w what a thri11 this is t0 me) i fee1 c0nfident en0ugh t0 wa1k ar0und the r00m c0rrecting f0rm 0r b00sting enthusiasm_ th0ugh n0t 0fficia11y certified in much, i can take c0mmand and safe1y instruct a1m0st any f0rmat_ the pr0b1em is i 0n1y d0 this 4, 5, maybe 6 h0urs a week_
the pr0b1em is, this is n0t my career_

i kind 0f suck at my career_ at 1east i've been fee1ing this way 1ate1y_ i d0n't kn0w en0ugh ab0ut either teaching 0r spanish to meet the high standards set at my sch001, which in itse1f is n0t rea11y the pr0b1em_ the main pr0b1em is that i d0n't care_ i just d0n't care en0ugh t0 invest the time, eff0rt, and m0ney t0 get better_ i'm n0t s0 de1uded t0 think that m0st pe0p1e 10ve their w0rk, and 1iking what i d0 is nice- i 10ve the kids! but i want m0re_

my w0rk friends w0nder h0w any0ne can keep a b10g where the inf0rmati0n is in any way re1ated t0 pers0na1 issues_ i find myse1f w0ndering as we11_ this wh01e p0st- fu11 0f i's, honest admissi0ns, and inner th0ughts_ what kind 0f bad writing, se1f-abs0rbed, desperate-f0r-attenti0n kind 0f pers0n am i? h0pefu11y the kind that s0meh0w makes y0u fee1 better ab0ut y0urse1f_ :)-

1ate1y i have bec0me attached t0 my c0mputer, which is why i can't bear t0 part with it f0r even a week t0 have it fixed_ i've bec0me disinterested with my j0b, and have been fi11ing my time with 0ther m0re w0rthwhi1e pursuits- main1y internet sta1king_ i'm g0ing t0 interpret t0day's sn0w day as a sign i sh0u1d c0ntinue

whi1e recent1y watching a sex in the city with c0mmentary (instead 0f grading/p1anning), i heard the direct0r say that g00g1ing pe0p1e was a fema1e phemen0n_ is it? i never th0ught 0f it 1ike that_ but this is what sparked my recent g00g1ing madness

did y0u kn0w t0dd has a maj0r r01e in this craigs1ist missed c0nnecti0ns-esque p1ay in chicag0? the 0n1y p1ace derek appears 0n the internet is next t0 my dad 0n s0me s0ccer d0cument- weird_ matt, i f0und y0ur gamb1ing addict's 10g_ ehren wr0te a b00k review at amaz0n_ me1issa, there are t00 many 0f y0u- with either 1ast name! abran is wicked smart and wi11 never ta1k t0 me again_ ari has 0n1y been at her j0b since august and a1ready has a11 these imp0rtant 1and/envir0nment c0nservati0n p01icy g0ings-0n_ keith- n0w there's an intimidating resu1ts page 0f newspaper qu0tes fr0m the f0under 0f ny radica1 educat0rs and pane1 presentati0ns 0n vari0us race/ethnicity topics_ graham is british_ gracie p1ays s0ccer and has a funny but t00 pers0na1 t0 read b10g_ m011y runs and fights breast cancer_ my principa1 has apparent1y d0ne n0thing except a t0n at 0ur sch001 in 0n1y 0ne year, and s0me freesty1e sprinting back in the day_ there is a sara wink1er that w0rks in the same sch001 system as adam_ incredib1y en0ugh, i c0u1dn't find anything 0n 0ur y0der 0r 0ur sch0mp_ did y0u make it thr0ugh a11 that? and this is the way i fi11 my days 1ate1y_ time t0 g00g1e my riverbenders!

n0w y0u wi11 see why i d0n't b10g fr0m my h0me c0mputer, but t0day em0ti0ns are wearing d0wn my se1f c0ntr01_ i can't write ab0ut these em0ti0ns 0n the b10g 0f c0urse, but i'm sure s0mething e1se wi11 c0me t0 mind

i remember in 12th grade when derek desa1v0 asked me 0ut_ at first i th0ught maybe it was a j0ke t0 be mean t0 me, but he seemed pretty sincere_ he 1ater ended up backing 0ut, saying he was gr0unded 0r s0me such n0nsense_ i demanded that a friend ask a friend ask a friend why he did this, and a friend 0f a friend 0f a friend g0t back t0 me and said he was intimidated _ y0u w0u1d have t0 kn0w the dynamics 0f my sch001 t0 kn0w why this s0unded 1ike a t0ta1 1ie, and thank g0d f0r keith wh0 stepped it up and swept me away t0 happy1and (n0t t0 be c0nfused with happy w0r1d 1and which requires a pretty awfu1 r0ad trip with p0rky and daffy) bef0re i had a chance t0 ana1yze myse1f t0 death 0ver it

here it is 9 years 1ater and sti11 0nce in awhi1e i pry it 0ut 0f pe0p1e that they 0r s0me0ne e1se thinks i'm intimidating_ this is ridicu10us t0 me i am a c0mp1ete d0rk, g00f, nut-- a wa1king disaster, and i present myse1f this way! n0 use trying t0 hide it_ is this a 1ine that pe0p1e use t0 n0t hurt y0ur fee1ings? this 1atest instance was with f0rmer c0-w0rkers-- every0ne at my 1ast j0b apparent1y th0ught i was t00 intimidating t0 be friends with?! am i rea11y d0ing s0mething t0 give this impressi0n 0r is this just bs? i must 1eave y0u n0w, as it is urgent that i get back t0 d0ing n0thing by my intimidating se1f

ay-ay-ay-ay, canta, no llores!

on fridays i DO wear my sweatpants. not sweatpants exactly, but elastic waistband. just call me fat granny. but every friday, i also get in trouble for using the copy machine, get yelled at for trying to break into rooms, and get dirty looks for being at the teacher mailboxes. i WORK here, people! the STUDENTS know i don't look like them... since today is a half day, i figured wearing my terps sweatshirt would be okay. someone actually threatened to write me up for stealing food from the teacher lounge. that bagel was worth it though. the muffin too. and the zucchini bread. yeah, that's right- another reason to wear the sweatpants. have a great weekend fatties!

today my work computer finds itself hesitant to load the blogspot homepage. is it soon to enter the "forbidden zone" just like friendster and hot hot hot xxx? that's right- my favorite two websites are banned here at school... who'da thunk it?

this is after reading today (as part of a work assignment, no less) how more and more people are getting fired for their blogs. The Post had some great blurbs from a magazine editor's blog-- the sarcastic something. She was fired for writing about how her dumb office rewarded people with stupid chocolate and balloons for doing nothing more than what they were supposed to be doing in the first place. She didn't mention any names or the name of her magazine, but someone found out about it, and that's all it took. The very first day of school, my supervisor found me blogging and said, "Isn't that what that girl on the Hill got fired for doing?" I responded, "yes," and kept typing away. You know me-- always a rebel. HA! But I have never forgotten it, and will not write the negative school stuff or principal disaster stuff on here, even though I know how much we all love stuff. ;)

back to the lowercase-- who was that girl? you'll be happy to know that i'm back on top of things again, schoolwise at least. no idea what the kiddies will be up to next week, haven't updated this week's website, but i can breathe. well, no i can't, because all the work pants i own don't fit me anymore and i don't quite think i can get away with sweatpants in the classroom yet. lucky p.e. teachers. i hear my principal's voice down the hall, and my inner goody-goody is starting to freak. don't think anyone's gonna be bringing me the chocolate and balloons anytime soon. chao chicos.

i have encountered an obstacle on the road to my blogging comeback. the most wonderful kind of obstacle. but he'll be gone in a month, so i'm sure to return to my mildly entertaining musings shortly thereafter.

right now, i am completely drained of energy. i have literal mountains of papers to sort through and grade. mis estudiantes won't do any work if i don't collect it. i've collected so much that i even threw a stack in the garbage the other day, because i knew they wouldn't notice. i think i meant to say accidentally knocked over instead of threw. my lesson planning has turned into last minute hand-outs---here's the lecture, then fill in the blanks, chicos. the answers? i don't know. guess i should take a look at what i gave you...horrible. then yesterday, i couldn't remember the calls to my last-minute thrown together step routine. my cheerleaders are currently cheering in their last game of the season, and i'm up here escaping in the office. what's wrong with those words?! "escaping in the office" i just can't do anything well right now. you know when you just want to crawl into a hole and hibernate? but alas, i am bipedal, and all the good holes are taken. off to the races.

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood! and the air actually smells fresh. i soaked it in for a lovely 30 seconds as i walked from the car to the school. yeah, that's why the keyboard works. i won't subject you to reading my broken keyboard nonsense.

i've made it 5 months so far. 5 months- same job, same apartment, and no change visible in the near future. it's hard to live in this monotony without having the next thing lined up, the next adventure to look forward to. yes, i DO try to make everyday a bit of an adventure, and with my scattered-brained ways and these unpredictable teenagers, i undoubtedly find a bit of excitement. but it's not enough. as per usual, i am craving change.

is this foolishly escapist or spontaneously wise? in the present moment, it is virtually impossible to say. only looking back on these years will i be able to determine if my decisions led me to enjoy the happy future that was meant for me, or if i made a mistake along the way and will have to live with that regret. scary. for now, i will take each moment as it comes, as is the way of the peaceful warrior. but yoder and teri, march 25th is starred and circled and highlighted on every calendar i own. (i am a scheduling fiend.) i am so looking forward to my first trip out west!

let's go--------MARYLAND! first duke, then g.t. i love those boys!
i've never really enjoyed watching any other sporting event like basketball, but when i realized that this is the first year ever (except for Spain '99) that i wouldn't be at a superbowl party, i admit i was a little disappointed. we'll prolly just go to a sports bar or something, but it's not the same. i like watching with guys who know something about the game and from time to time yell at the tv. i like bringing snacks and seeing what other people have brought for me to dive into. the winner is always the guacamole. i love critiquing (i don't think i've ever written that word before so i don't know how to spell it- duh, of course i don't READ) commercials with other like-minded individuals. and lastly but most importantly, i like rooting for the same team as my crew! how am i going to watch the game amidst eagles fans? not that i really care, but as soon as someone starts slammin' my team, i start to care a whole lot. like when someone else makes fun of yo' mama i guess.